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Nightjar
  • Writer's picturePaul Jameson

A New Me? Kind of, but not really...

A New Me?

Kind of, but not really...

I know. Strange title. And it's been a while.


October 2022 since I last wrote a blog post. Strangely that coincides with my last venture out for a walk on my own (before this month) and me becoming really reclusive - 10 months, that's bad, isn't it. I've also realised that it's the same time Elon Musk took over Twitter, and it became a much more toxic environment. Is that a part of it?


Perhaps.

It must surely have a bearing.


So I guess, the realisation is that my mental state, my mental illnesses, are not in a good place. But now there have been a few things happen, for the better, that have spurred me into what I hope will be some sustained action.



The first was meeting with Natalie from WEIRD IN THE WADE and being interviewed for her podcast about THE HAUNTING OF POTTON WOOD. Now I may well write about this in the future - as I'm sorely tempted to take a visit back out there, and if I do I will take you with me - but for now, do listen to her podcast as it is fascinating and brilliant, wonderfully researched, and leaves you (ultimately) to draw your own conclusions. It's very real, and unexplained. Anyway, Natalie and I met for coffee and a chat, and I thoroughly enjoyed it; most importantly it got me out, something I don't do except for my early morning cleaning job and the doctors/hospital.


So I CAN go out.


The second was going out for a walk, subsequent to the confidence brought on by meeting Natalie for a coffee. Admittedly it wasn't on my own. I went with my son for a short walk up Caesars Hill - the setting for NIGHTJAR - and despite my anxiety being through the roof, my head spinning when I got home, hallucinations and a migraine, I again survived. Okay. It wasn't brilliant (post-walk), but...


I CAN do this.


The third thing is my writing, which I'm doing every day and is a good indicator of my health. Over 50,000 words written and placed - plus another 50,000 written rough and in a mess - in a Fantasy WIP that is huge, more in keeping with a particular genre than my usual weird writings, and scaring me senseless, despite enjoying the adventure. Another positive.


And the fourth and final thing is the introduction of THREADS as an alternative to Twitter. It's only in its first week, but it's already providing a positive environment to reconnect with all my favourite friends from the writing, folkloric and book-loving communities that were originally forged on Twitter. Gone is the constant exposure to negative, right-wing commentators and content. It is so refreshing by compare, compassionate, clean, positive, and enjoyable, that it's given me the confidence to reinvigorate a new me - albeit very much like the old (more healthy) me.


And by this I mean (as a kind of contract) that:

  1. I will start going out again. Alone. For walks. And when I do I will take you with me.

  2. I will continue with my writing. Post snippets. And art. And keep you updated.

  3. I will start reading again, And posting book reviews.

  4. I will start watching again (telly and films), And posting reviews.

  5. I will keep in touch with the positive writing, folkloric, and book-loving friends I made on Twitter. But on a new, more positive platform (a bit like the old days).

  6. I will try and maintain a fortnightly blog (that I hope will become weekly), exploring the journey, art, nature, walks and mental progress along the way.

So I guess the take out from all this, is that I'm going on a mental health/illness and personal journey that I'd like you to join me on. It will include art and books, hopefully museums and day-outs - when I get the confidence - films, nature, writing and friends (both old and new), as I, you, and we, do some rebuilding of the Paul that was. I hope you will join me, encourage me even, and that we can have some fun and frolics along the way. For me, it's kinda scary, but positive and exciting too.


Fingers crossed, Here goes!


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